Considering my actual due date was/is Saturday and I’m just now getting to (maybe) prepping next week’s conference presentation, I should put into words what exactly happened with Zuzu and me.
First, my blood pressure had shot up at my week 36 check-up. My OB ordered a sonogram for the next week and weekly non-stress tests, saying we might move up the baby’s delivery to week 38. So, the following Monday, I came in, and my blood pressure was still up. Before teh sonogram, my doctor said we’d most likely be having a baby the following Monday. Then we had the sonogram, and not only was Zuzu breech (“oblique breech,” to be exact), my amniotic fluids were low. The doctor ordered bloodwork and told me to come back on Thursday with my overnight bag because we’d probably be having a baby on Thursday…but she’d call me the next morning with blood test results.
So, the next morning, I drop Katie off at day care and come back to the car where a message from the doctor was waiting. Turns out my platelet levels had dropped, indicating my blood pressure was affecting my body and that we needed to have the baby today…in seven hours. And I had to report to the hospital for monitoring until then.
For some reason I’m starting to cry writing this and I don’t know if it’s because I’m remembering how upset I was that I didn’t get to say goodbye to Katie before it happened, or the realization- again- that things really could have gone south for both Zuzu and me. She was breech, meaning a vaginal delivery was out of the question, and had my platelets continued to drop, a c-section would have been more complicated. This is why the OB wanted it done that day. Plus, I was worried Zuzu’s lungs wouldn’t be ready and she’d have problems.
Turns out, we’re all okay. But I’m in this weird place right now where 1) I know I should be lapping up every moment with the baby. I’ll never get these moments again, but… 2) the pregnancy just ended so suddenly and it just as contrived a delivery as I was hoping to avoid, though for the right reasons and 3) I’m tired of being at home all day, worried I won’t have a job next year, but don’t want to take Zuzu out to Starbucks when she’s so small AND 4) I worry I’m not giving as much attention to Katie as I’d like and the reverse for Eric- that he’s not bonding with Zuzu because he wants to make sure Katie’s okay. I should say, though, that Eric is an amazing father. Absolutely amazing.
I just think these apartment walls and the deep uncoolness of this part of town is getting to me. I SO need an Java House or some campus corner-type nearby because I do not like Plano. It’s nothing a swing on my Cedar Rapids porch or a beer at Joe’s couldn’t fix…