Today has been one for the record books. Katie was one big basketcase from the beginning this morning and I think it may be entirely my fault. She was sleeping in, I needed to change Zuzu’s diaper and woke Katie up by changing Z’s diaper in Katie’s room. I couldn’t carry Katie in to the living room because I had Zuzu and I sat K right on the potty…it just got worse and worse for Katie from there. I mean, screaming, hysterics, high-pitch-world-is-going-to-end. I can only imagine what our neighbors thought. I completely effed up our morning snuggle routine and the day went DOWNHILL from there. I think I managed to shatter Katie’s fragile ego in one fell swoop. Eric saw her antics when he took charge at bed time…oh my. What did I do?!?! At the grocery store, she even requested to hold my hand. This never happens. And she CRUMBLED when her dandelion from outside fell through the cracks in the shopping basket.
I’m only a little snarky because it really made me stop and question a few things. For one, I feel like Katie has a particular attachment to me due in no small part to breastfeeding her. I wonder if other mothers who breastfeed have this same problem or feel this way. Since Katie was born, nearly every morning has involved snuggling with mommy as soon as she wakes up, either to nurse or drink her milk. I ruined that today by holding Zuzu when I should have been with Katie. I have to be honest- it makes me question how long I’ll nurse Zuzu past her first birthday because this was INSANE and Zuzu already won’t take a bottle easily.
In fact, Eric just called and told me Zuzu fell apart after I left to come here to Starbucks. We think her teeth are giving her trouble but he said “the quiet one” (even used the air quotes) got really fussy, too…and she’s used to nursing to sleep as well.
I’ve taken refuge at Barnes and Noble so that maybe I can finish this chapter (the whole thing has to be deposited in three days if I’m going to be a spring graduate, otherwise, my degree will be “conferred” in the summer). Off we go…